Russian (Foreign) Meddling

In 1347, 7 year-old Yuri Androminov moved with his family from Slavonia Russia to Livonia, which is now near modern day Ukraine. Ten years later when Yuri was 17 years old he left his family and moved to Poland. He met a young girl there by the name of Esmerelda Krakow, but he just called her Essie. She was very successful and she started a music group by the name of “The Essie Mays” because they played their first gig in the month of May. He was happy, she was happy. He loved Essie very much and he did everything he could when he could for Essie and made sure she was well taken care of.

Well Yuri and Essie had nine kids. Even though Essie was gone all the time singing and playing in concert halls only one of the kids actually looked like Yuri and that was the youngest one. Of course Essie had done quit traveling on the road so much by then and the band decided to take a break. Anyway, that youngest kid they named Yuri Essie Slavio Krakow Abrihim Androminov. That was their way of celebrating the last child being born between them and their new found faith in Christianity, of course Yuri was in his 80’s and Essie was in her late 70’s when he was born.

Okay, skip ahead another generation Yuri Essie Slavio Krakow Abrihim Adrominov, okay we’ll abbreviate his name from this point forward so no one will get confused, Yeskaa met a beautiful girl by the name of Harmonia Moon Starvensky, (And before you ask: yes her parents were hippies but back then they called them gypsies).

Anyway Yeskaa and Harmonia moved toward their ancestorial homeland of Mother Russia and settled in the little town of Washetonia the capital city of the district of Colonvaskia. But there was much unrest and all the lawmakers decided to make stupid laws and began taxing the colonist heavily. I mean the Colonvaskians heavily. (We ain’t made it to the colonies yet.) Anyway, it was getting harder and harder for Yeskaa and Harmonia to raise their fourteen children. The final straw for Yeskaa was when the leaders threatened to take away all the bows and arrows from normal everyday citizens like Yeskaa. He argued with the leaders that he wouldn’t have any way to hunt for food but they argued back that it’s not fair for the deer and antelope to have to eat berries and grass and no way to defend themselves. And if the deer and antelope have to eat berries and grass then so should we so they won’t get offended and all.

Well, Yeskaa and Harmonia had had enough and decided to pack up their little family of fifteen kids (Yea, they never did know where that fifteenth kid came from, he just showed up one day and never left. And yea, he was a meat eater too.) Anyway, they packed up and left for Germania to get away from all the turmoil. But even in Germania there was fighting and bickering amongst all the people. No one could get anyone to do anything and everyone blamed each other for the country being broke and they argued with the government because this group was getting more than that group so the government had to support all of them.

Well Yeskaa and Haromonia was getting on up in age and had to depend on the government but Germania didn’t have any money to give them so they were at the mercy of their children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, great-great grandchildren, great-great-gre… well you get the picture. They was supported by family until they croaked.

So the great-great-great-great-great, oh not again, one of those many children moved to England and met a beautiful little Irish girl. They married, had children and so on and so forth. So times were getting hard in Jolly Old England. As a matter of fact it was getting so hard they quit calling it Jolly and just called it Old England. Later on they changed the name to Great Britain but the financial market crash was so bad they changed the name to Broke Britain.

This great-great-great, uh this guy and his beautiful Irish wife had four, yes four girls. Could you believe living in a household with five women? No wonder he stayed in the pub all the time. He was tired of having to work hard from paycheck to paycheck each week and so he and his wife decided to move to America. He was the only one on the whole ship that could stand up straight during the duration of their trip while they sailed to America. Huh, go figure. Maybe from the sway of the ship it just looked like he was standing up straight.  The oldest daughter stood on the  bow of the ship, held her arms out wide and shouted “I’m the queen of the world!” but she fell over and they couldn’t save her.

Anyway, the family settled in a suburb of New York in the Irish, German, Russian , Jewish side of town. You know because everyone kept to their lineage with their customs and everything like that.

Each one of the girls got married to a nice handsome fellow. Skip ahead a couple of generations and now all these families done had families and these families had families and so on and so forth.

Then all these kin folk got to bickering amongst themselves because someone said something about someone else to someone who told someone what someone said when someone said they didn’t say it. Well as you know one thing led to another and BOOM! They start fighting each other, I mean literally. Fightin’, shootin’, stabbin’ and blowing things up.

Well one day this pretty southern belle saw this handsome fellow and she smiled and winked at him and batted her eyelashes at him and put on a Barry White album and all that good stuff so he was smitten. And he didn’t want to fight anymore. So they decided to make love not war.

This couple had seven kids. Three boys, three girls and one Indian. Well, he had to come from somewhere down the line. Anyway, skip ahead a couple more generations. All these kids grow up and have families of their own and these families have families. Okay we done went over this.

Well then one day this young man meets a beautiful young lady. She was an only child so surely she and her family were rich and had plenty of money, or so he thought. Come to find out she didn’t but he married her anyway and they had five kids together.

So after the last one was born they decided that this one is the perfect child so they decided not to have anymore after me. I mean him. He grew up and when he turned eighteen it was time to register for the Selective Service and his father took him to the post office to register for the service then he took him to the courthouse to register to vote. And his father told him which political party to register for but while his dad wasn’t looking he registered for the other party.

So here we are in 2018 and the mid-term elections are looming and all I have been hearing about is how the Russians and foreigners have been meddling in our elections. So as a Russian, Polish, Gypsy, German, English, Anglo-Saxon, Irish, Yankee, Indian, Redneck southern I want to personally apologize for meddling in “YOUR” election but to forewarn you this November I will be meddling again and again in 2020.

Have a great day!

A Special Weekend

Sampic1This past weekend my wife celebrated her fifty-something birthday. (Just because I know the correct number doesn’t mean I have to tell you.) Since her birthday was on a Friday I decided to take a couple of days off from work and take her away somewhere for the weekend.

We only tell a select few people where we’re going and we never post anything until we get back, including pictures. Sometime we hardly ever take any pictures at all.

One thing I found out for sure is that my loving wife and bride of 31 years was definitely born on one of the hottest days of the year or so it seems to me. Any other time we would be sitting in the comfort of the air conditioner at home or floating in the pool keeping cool. But that’s okay I was born on one of the coldest days of the year so I guess that makes us even. I’ll tolerate the heat for her since she tolerates the cold for me. Remember back on January 1st when I took my fabulous polar bear plunge? Yea, she was right there with me freezing and rooting me on.

On this trip we decided to take the kids we still have at home with us. That’s our four-legged children. On some rare occasions we’ll take these kids with us on a road trip and yes this was one of those occasions. One thing I like about these kids is that they aren’t asking every few miles, “Are we there yet?” and “What time will we get there?”. Of course our son being an only child never really complained too much anyway while on trips and vacations.

Another thing I found out on this trip was that Sam, our biggest dog, doesn’t like the heat any more than I do. When we stopped at a rest area she would quickly take care of her business and was ready to get back inside the car to the air conditioner but I didn’t complain because I was too.

Some of the biggest things I was reminded about on our road trip was what I heard on the radio. I hardly ever listen to the radio but in our family sedan we have XM radio. Until I heard it on the radio I had completely forgotten that we all still live in a yellow submarine. This weekend my wife found out one of my biggest kept secrets. And once again, until I heard it on the radio I had also forgotten I knew the lyrics to the song ‘Shimmy, Shimmy Ko-Ko Bop’ by Little Anthony and the Imperials. If you’ve never heard it look it up on Youtube. I think that was the biggest laugh we had over the weekend as well. She laughed and smiled and said, “Sing it baby.”

Yes, memorable moments are not just made over a special weekend but they are made every day. If you have small children or grand children treasure each and every moment with them while you can. Not only will you remember it but in time they will one day reflect back on it as well and say, “You remember when…” and the family will share a loving, memorable laugh.

Have a great week and stay Blessed.

4th of July

Okay. Some folks have been asking where was the 4th of July holiday poem so here goes.

The 4th of July was upon us before we had a chance to think;
The year was already half way over it seemed like in a blink.
What special thing can we do this year to make the 4th complete?
We decided to do something differently, something really unique.

We got up early and made the coffee and ate some buttered toast;
“This is going to be a lot of fun today.” My wife began to boast.
We couldn’t hesitate to get started the waiting was almost a pain;
Nothing was going to stop us today not even sleet, snow or rain.

Quickly in the shower, get dressed and make the bed;
We were beside ourselves with excitement, “I can’t wait!” my wife said.
The food was in the fridge and a watermelon was getting cold;
The fireworks were going to be in the park that night so we were told.

“Are you ready?” I asked my wife as I stood by the door;
To make sure everything was off she ran through the house once more.
We both grabbed our cell phones in case anyone called;
We could tell them where we were at if we are needed at all.

We were on our way, we chatted and talked as we went;
This is going to be a lot of fun, it will be a day well spent.
Thanks to my wife’s quick fingers and thinking we made it with ease;
When we finally got there we both were very well pleased.

It was a very short trip as we quickly made our destination;
There were friends and family waiting for us in excited anticipation.
My wife and I sat quietly as we listened and looked;
This is the best 4th of July we’ve had thanks to Twitter and Facebook!

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