A REDNECK RECLINER

One of the worst weeks in my life was when I broke two, yes 2, recliners in one week.

My loving wife and I decided that we would go all out for our living room several years ago. We decided to buy a whole new living room suit. When we got to the furniture store my wife eyeballed the first sofa setting by the door. She said, “That’s the couch I want.” We didn’t even know the price of it she just decided she wanted it. I’m sure it was meant to be because they had it setting right next to the front door as we walked in.

Did they know we were coming or something? Did my wife call ahead and tell them we were coming? I don’t think any of those things but it must have been destiny for us to walk into that furniture store that day and the very sofa my wife wanted was right by the door. Of course a good furniture store who prides itself on getting that quota for the month and having good sales has a way of putting the nicer, more expensive furniture right in the window or at the front door. I wouldn’t say it was the most expensive sofa in the store but I did find some nice ones hidden amongst all the others that was a lot cheaper. “We’ve got our couch, now let’s go find some recliners that would match it.” My loving bride said.

Where we used to live we had a rather small living room. We decided before we left the house that the best thing for us to do was to just get a sofa and two recliners. That would be all we would need in that tiny living room. We had determined that if we got a whole living room ensemble we wouldn’t have room to walk around or move. So a sofa and two recliners were it.

As we looked at all the recliners we both had mentioned to the salesperson that we wanted our chairs to match. He was quick to point out a nice overstuffed recliner that would match our sofa perfectly. “And we already have another one in the back just like it. So you won’t have to wait a week or longer to get a matching one from the manufacturer.” He said with a smile.

“Really?” I thought.  Is that the “only” recliner you have in the back that matches all these recliners you have out here on the floor? Reluctantly we agreed and wound up buying the not-so-cheap-overstuffed recliner. He did have a good sales pitch though.

The next day they delivered our new  living room set. The large couch with throw pillows and our overstuffed matching recliners. As the men struggled to move the sofa in first I told them to just set it down and my wife and I would rearrange it how we wanted. Then the two recliners. Them things were so big and overstuffed even the two big guys that brought them up the steps and into the house struggled to get them in. As we contemplated how to move our new furniture around we had come to the realization that we really did have a small, small living room. Very small. Once we got everything situated the best way we could figure out we quickly found out that if we both sat in the recliners and let the footrest out then there would be absolutely no walking room whatsoever. Yes, that’s how small our living room was.

When the home was built back in the mid-70’s furniture wasn’t as large and plush as it is today. So there wasn’t any reason to have an extremely large living room, or any other room for that matter for a modest home.

Not long after we moved to where we live now one of our recliners broke and it was time to toss it. My wife and I found another one that would work perfect. It wasn’t a large overstuffed recliner like the one we had but it was good enough. At least it was a lot cheaper and we did have a much larger den to accommodate our large bulky furniture. I will never forget that fateful day when our other overstuffed recliner decided to let me down…literally.

Picture this in your mind if you will. I got a couple of cookies out of the cookie jar in the kitchen and walked into the den and sat down. When I leaned back in the recliner it just kept going…All the way back. And there I went all the way back to the floor…cookies in hand. I called my wife who was in the kitchen at the time to come and help me up.

Our wonderful black lab knows a few words.  She definitely knows what “ride” means and “bed”. Well, I called for help and she came to check on me lying on my back on the floor in the recliner. She sniffed me in the face to make sure I was alright then she helped…helped herself to my cookies. Took them right out of my hand and laid down in the middle of the floor and proceeded to eat them. My wife came in the den just as she saw Sam, the dog, checking on me and then taking my cookies out of my hand. Now she is almost doubled over laughing, while at the same time asking me if I am alright. Thankfully the recliner was overstuffed so there was no way I would have gotten hurt, except for my pride.

After we took that recliner out, we took our other, cheaper, recliner and put it where the broken one had been. So there we were all sitting around one evening a couple of nights later, talking and watching television and now everyone in the household knows the “only” recliner left in the house has to belong to daddy. I sat down and let the foot rest out, no problems, not until I went to let the footrest down. The wooden handle on the side breaks off right in my hand. Now I’ve got a second broken recliner.  All within a week.

But thanks to my smart, redneck ingenuity, I was able to fix a temporary handle for the footrest. And it works perfect, even today. Yep, now I like to call it my “Redneck Recliner”.

One day I’m going to break down and buy myself another new recliner. Another one of those large, bulky, overstuffed kind. One of those that would make a fat boy like me happy to take a nice long nap in while a game is going on television. But lately since I spend more time in the office writing and my wife usually watches television in the bedroom I think that is something that can wait. At least until I can save up enough money I can go and get that perfect recliner.

Oh, and one more thing. I didn’t tell you how I fixed the handle on the other recliner did I? Let’s just say vise-grip pliers is one the best inventions man has ever made. Especially if you have a broken recliner handle.

fullsizerecliner

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