Show Me The Money

10 Feb 2011 Leave a comment

by David Tadlock in Uncategorized Tags: , ,

Several years ago my wife and I received a mailing from the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes.  It always had a list of magazines to sell and gave us instructions on how to put the sticker of the magazine of our choice in the proper square and put it in the return envelope and send it back to them.

We would order at least one kind of magazine not because we wanted to be the lucky sweepstakes winner but they did have a good selection of magazines for a good price.  We followed the instructions, mailed our entry form along with our subscription back to them only to receive the same mailing about year later.  We got our magazine but we wouldn’t hear from the Publisher’s Clearing House until it was time to order a new magazine or re-subscribe to our old one. 

We noticed that when we did affix our subscription to the entry/order form the return envelope had a little window to show if a magazine subscription was in the envelope.  We began to be suspicious of Publisher Clearing House’s ethics.  Even though they clearly stated that no purchase was necessary to enter the sweepstakes we decided to try an experiment.  Instead of affixing our little subscription in the block so that it could be seen through the window we ordered two magazines and just dropped the little stickers in the envelope.  We concluded that our theory was correct.  If they can’t see your subscription in the window of the return envelope then it was never opened.  How did we come to that conclusion? We didn’t receive anything else from Publishers Clearing House and we also didn’t get our subscriptions.  In my opinion and what I preached to everyone else was that Publisher’s Clearing House is a hoax like a lot of the other sweepstakes that we use to get through the mail. 

My dad used to get all kinds of sweepstake offers through the mail and aside from sending any money or ordering anything he would always fill it out and send it back.  One day he got a phone call from someone who told him he was the  grand prize winner in their sweepstakes and all he needed to do was to send a check or money order for so much money to defray the cost of postage and handling.  He told them just take it out of what he won and send him the rest.  To say the least they hung up on him and never called  back.

Well this year, the first in several years, I received an envelope  full of flyers of products and of course magazine subscriptions from none other than Publisher’s Clearing House.  It also said that if I sent the entry form back by the deadline I would be in the running for their 1 million dollars a year for life sweepstakes.  And as usual it also said no purchase was necessary to enter the sweepstakes and ordering magazines or products from them didn’t increase any chance of winning.  The first thing I looked for was the little window on the return envelope.  Surprisingly the little window only showed my name and address on the outside.  That made me feel a little more at ease about their publicity tactics.  If I did order something then the only way they would get it is if they did open the envelope. 

Another thing that surprised me about Publishers Clearing House, since I haven’t received a mailing from them in years, is that they sell more than magazines now, they sell products.  My wife and I did find something that we might like to have and it was reasonably priced so we ordered it.  And of course  if my product doesn’t come in the mail then it will raise my suspicions again pertaining to their ethics.

My wife asked me what would I do if I did win the grand prize sweepstakes.  I told her I would write a book about my experience with Publishers Clearing House.  How I went from being a skeptic to a believer.  It would not only be a good pay check for the remainder of my life but it would give us an opportunity to travel and see the country and it would also be good publicity for Publishers Clearing House as well.  It would be a win/win situation for everyone. I mean if someone locally announced that they were giving away $1,000,000 dollars as a prize wouldn’t you like to know a winner personally?  We all would, whether we were related to them or just their best friend. Of course that would bring up a whole another issue as well.

It is nice to dream.  Even if I didn’t win this sweepstakes or any other it will never keep me from dreaming.  Besides, someone’s dream comes true all the time, every day.  And one day it will be mine.  But remember, if you are ever a lucky sweepstakes winner or a big lottery winner it was a 16th Century British farmer and writer by the name of Thomas Tusser who popularized the phrase, “A fool and his money are soon parted.”

Farewell To A Legend

26 Jan 2011 Leave a comment

by David Tadlock in Family & Life Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’ve had a lot of people ask me how can I remember certain dates.  All I can tell them is that I try to associate it with something or someone else.  I’m not really sure how I do it but there are some things that are burned into my memory that I can’t seem to forget.  But then again why would I want to?

Before I got my cell phone with all the speed dial numbers next to someone’s name I was the phone book at home.  My wife could ask me for someone’s number and I could blurt it out, even if we haven’t called the number in a long time.  I still remember some numbers of friends and relatives and even some old home phone numbers but I’ll be the first to tell you that I don’t remember as many as I used to.  It’s easier to scroll through my list of names in alphabetical order and hit the call button.  

One problem I do have is that if I haven’t seen you in a long time I may walk right by you and not say a word.  If that happens don’t be mad or hate me thinking I’m stuck on myself or I’m ignoring you, it’s just that I may not recognize you.  It does amaze people I’m around all the time that I can remember their birthday or anniversary.  I made a comment on the Tadlock Family Facebook page that back on January 17th Grandpa, or “Pop”, Tadlock would have been 120 years old if he was alive today.  January 17, 1891. 

I asked several people if they knew where they were 28 years ago this day, January 26, 1983.   After I told them what happened they could remember.  It is amazing that we can associate an event with a certain date.  

It was today 28 years ago that America lost one of its legends, Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant.  At the given time he was the winningest coach in college football.  After you realized that it was today, you may say, “Oh yea, I remember where I was at and what I was doing when I heard about his passing.”

I try to remember certain things and try to take it in as a part of history that will never be repeated.  I watched the last game that Bear Bryant coached with his Alabama Crimson Tide beating the Illinois Fighting Illini 21-15 in the Liberty Bowl in Memphis, Tennessee.  Last year I watched the last game that Bobby Cox managed for the Atlanta Braves.  I watched the last episode of the Late Show that Johnny Carson hosted. (You younger people ask your parents who Johnny Carson was.)   I watched the last football game coached by Florida State’s Bobby Bowden.  And yes, when Joe “Papa” Paterno decides to step down or aside I plan on watching that game and rooting for Papa Joe’s Nittany Lions to win the last one for the legend.

There are a lot of things in our life that we just assume to forget.  But there are some things we don’t ever want to forget.  There is history making events happening every day all around us and we want to be a part of it even if it is just in our living room in front of the television set.  We can look back and say, “I remember that.” Or “I remember when that happened.”

The Christmas Party

10 Dec 2010 Leave a comment

by David Tadlock in Short Stories Tags: , ,

It was the first time I was invited to a Christmas party given by co-workers. I think because of the unwaveringness in my faith it may have been the reason anyone was reluctant to invite me in times past. Not to mention the fact that I over-heard the company manager talking to some others as to what time to be there. “To be where?” I asked inquisitively as I walked through the door.

“Ah, um, some of us in the company are having a Christmas party this Friday night. Hey, why don’t you come to it? But I must warn you there will be drinking going on. But we will have punch and other things to drink too, and there’ll be plenty to eat.” I could tell the uneasiness in his speech that he was really nervous about even mentioning it to me or of my knowing it. So I knew I needed to break the ice and let him, and the others know, that it will be okay. Just because I don’t drink, doesn’t mean I still can’t go and have a good time with them.

“I think that will be great! That’ll be okay if everyone else drinks, besides, I’m sure some of you alcoholics will need a designated driver anyway, right?” I laughed and made light of the situation to make them feel more comfortable. It’s not that I wanted to fit in and be ‘like’ them. I did want them to know that I’m not completely uptight and straight-laced as some may believe or think, even though I still would want to hold to my Christian values. I would rather go to the party and help my co-workers get home safe than not go and something dreadful happen to any of them.

The night of the party I arrive at the door. I could hear outside the door that some of my co-workers were already enjoying the evening. ‘Man’ I thought to myself, ‘some of them already had too much eggnog it sounds like.’ I ring the doorbell and almost instantly the company manager opens the door.

“Hey, Dave! Well you did make it. Come on in! Hey, now we’ve got snacks over there on that table” As he pointed to a table in the corner that held a wide variety of culinary delights along with a big bowl of red punch and cups. “There’s punch over there too, but now if you prefer a good stiff drink I can get you one of those as well.” He laughed making light of my presence.

“Thanks, but no thanks, I’ll just stick to the punch, like I said before, it looks like I’ll be driving some of you home tonight anyway.” We both laughed as he poured me a cup of punch and I mixed and mingled among the crowd of co-workers. Conversations turn to everything from football to gardening to the latest craze of foods and fashion.

Finally someone turns the music up and some of them drunken idiots try to do the tango. Only to be making complete fools of themselves. I go over to the punch bowl and pour myself another cup of punch. I make a comment to one co-worker, “That’s some great tasting punch. I need to find out who made it and get the recipe for my wife.” My co-worker just smiled at me and nodded his head in approval as he walked out to where everybody was dancing and started swinging his hips in drunkenness as well.

I take a big gulp of the punch emptying the contents of the cup in one upheaval and pour myself another cup. “Look at those idiots, I know I’m going to have to drive some of these home tonight. I’m so glad I came. It would break my heart if anything happened to any of them. I need to get out there and show them how to dance. Dog-gone I need a bigger cup for my punch. Everybody else is drinking beer, whisky and wine anyway. I think I’m the only one drinking the punch. But it sure is good.”

I go to the manager and asked him if they had any bigger cups or glasses and he pointed me in the direction of the kitchen. The music and everyone is so loud now I have to holler at him for him to hear me. “I’ll be the only sober one left here when we leave tonight. Hey, let me know when you need me to take someone home. I’ll be happy to help. Now wet me find me a bigger grass.” I find the kitchen and get me a bigger glass and go back to the punch bowl and pour myself several dippers of punch. As one of my female co-workers come over to the table to get a bite to eat I make small talk with her.

“Hey Dave! You want me to fill your glass up with punch?” She asked with a smile.

I looked and noticed my glass was empty. Perplexed I told her “It must have a hole in it, because I just filled it up. Yea, you can fill it up for me.” As she pours me more punch she commented on how great the party was. “Yea, I tink its great too. I tink shum of dem is already getting a little inebriated dough. But I’m goin’ to drive ‘em home if need be.” She just laughed and walked on and joined another group of her female co-workers in one of the corners.

“Man, look at all those idiots trying to dansh. I’m grad I’m stickin’ to drinkin’ the punsh. I wouldn’t want to be sheen as a drunken idiot like them. Let me git out dare and show dem how to dansh.” I stepped out there in the middle getting my move on. I knew they could take a few lessons from me. Everyone stepped back forming a circle around me, moving to the beat of the rhythm of the music and clapping, cheering me on.

I heard someone say, “You go Dave! Show us how it’s done!” They’re really laughing it up and having a good time. I’m sure after all this I’m probably going to be booked up all next year giving dancing lessons.

“Whew, itsh hot in here. Wet me git another drink of punsh. And I’ll be right back.” I go and fill my glass full of punch one more time when I heard someone asked who wanted to do the Limbo. “Uh oh! I bet nobody can beat me at the Wimbo. Wait till I get my punsh.” Another big gulp of punch, I put the glass down and shout to them, “Make way! I’m goin’ to show you how itsh done! I’ll bet any of you I’ll be the wast one standin’ when all dish is done.”

As the line got started I didn’t waste any time showing how low I can go. But apparently I must have bumped my head on the coffee table or something while doing it because I woke up the next morning in my own bed with a terrible headache. I’m glad to know everyone got home safely. I can’t wait for next year’s Christmas party and I hope they bring some more of that great tasting punch.

I know I had a good time because everyone told me I did.

(A fictional story)

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